Eleven Rules for Visiting a Ghost Town
(Originally published in issue 11 of Sequestrum, Spring 2017)
Eleven Rules for Visiting a Ghost Town
Rule #1: The first rule states that the location of Pithole, Pennsylvania can only exist on one (1) map, for one (1) year, at any given time.
Rule #1 (a): If, after the span of one (1) year, the map is not found and/or found but not utilized, the location of Pithole, Pennsylvania shall cease to exist on said map.
E.g., Pithole, Pennsylvania appears on a map located in a Soviet bunker. After three-hundred-sixty-five (365) days, Pithole, Pennsylvania appears on a map buried beneath a yurt, constructed and eventually forgotten in Southern Pakistan. After three-hundred-sixty-five (365) days, Pithole, Pennsylvania appears on a map blowing through a DuBois, Pennsylvania truck-stop parking lot.
Rule #2: The second rule states that the map on which the location of Pithole, Pennsylvania is drawn must be acquired by extraordinary circumstances.
Rule #2 (a): “Extraordinary Circumstances” include but are not limited to: Regurgitating said map; finding said map behind oil paintings found in small town thrift shops; or receiving said map via post from relations no longer living.
E.g., Kimberly Brenneman of York, Pennsylvania drives west on I-80, en route to her Erie home. She pulls her beaten sedan onto DuBois exit 101 and into a truck-stop for a much needed restroom break. As she returns to her vehicle, as she opens the driver’s side door, a wayward map is blown into the sedan’s interior. Under ordinary circumstances Kimberly would discard the map, would leave it to continue its tumbling. But these are extraordinary circumstances. Kimberly has just left the funeral of her father, and it is a day unlike any other, so she opens the map, closes her eyes, and points a finger, resolved to travel to whatever place lies beneath her skin. She opens her eyes.
Rule #3: The third rule states that once and if the finder of the map ventures to Pithole, Pennsylvania, he or she must thrice walk backwards down Holmden Street.
Rule #4: The fourth rule states that if, while walking down Holmden Street, the finder hears a knock on a door then it is considered polite to open said door. If, however, the finder hears nothing, he or she should leave Pithole, Pennsylvania immediately, for to stay would be to invite certain annihilation.
Rule #4 (a): Structures found on Holmden Street include but are not limited to: “General Merchants;” “Bonta House;” “Dry Goods Department;” “Chase House;” “Lily’s Brothel;” and “Danforth House.” Structures in Pithole, Pennsylvania are not static.
E.g., Upon first pass of Holmden Street, “Lily’s Brothel” exists on the West side of Holmden Street. Upon second pass, “Lily’s Brothel” exists on the East side, or ceases to exist at all. Upon third pass, all structures on Holmden Street are replaced with replicate copies of “Lily’s Brothel.”
Rule #5: The fifth rule states that the finder must not resist whatever lies opposite the door.
E.g., Kimberly hears a knock from the General Merchants, opens the door to find her father. But it isn’t truly her father, for he’s far too tall to be human, his skin hanging too loosely on his cheekbones. His fingers are slender, made longer by unkempt nails. Kimberly is unable to meet the not-father’s eyes, but, still, there is a familiarity about this creature. She is both comfortable and uncomfortable as the not-father sweeps his arm in a welcoming gesture.
Rule #6: The sixth rule states that if the finder is invited inside the structure to which the door is attached, it is considered polite to accept the offer of hospitality.
Rule #7: The seventh rule states that the finder is, under no circumstances, advised to accept any offerings of food or drink.
E.g., The not-father leads Kimberly into a reproduction of her childhood living room. From the radio, the Pirates pitch to the Orioles. The not-father extends an unopened can of Iron City, the ’79 Steelers printed across the aluminum. Kimberly feels a dryness in her throat, but she recalls the seventh rule. No, she says, thank you.
Rule #8: The eighth rule states that once the finder is given permission to leave, he or she must thrice walk face-first down Holmden Street.
Rule #9: The ninth rule states that, once he or she crosses the threshold out of Pithole, Pennsylvania, he or she must not, under any circumstance, look back.
Rule #10: The tenth rule states that upon leaving Pithole, Pennsylvania, the finder should forget ever walking along that haunted street. Upon total memory depletion, the finder will receive a “gift” from the beings on Holmden Street.
Rule #10 (a): “Gift” may include but is not limited to: Currency of varying amounts, valuable to one or more existing or non-existing societies; cosmic data relating to the finder and/or his or her family; or “love.”
E.g., Kimberly, were she to forget her experience in Pithole, Pennsylvania, might be given a watch that her father once wore. She might be given the opportunity to express her love one last time, to share that final beer with her him.
Rule #11: The eleventh rule states that, like all other rules, those listed on these pages are meant to be bent, twisted, and broken.
Rule #11 (a): Bending, twisting, and breaking rules includes but is not limited to: Upon entering Holmden Street, walking face forward and/or upon leaving Holmden Street, walking backwards; upon leaving Pithole, Pennsylvania, the finder is unable to forget his or her experience; upon crossing the threshold of Pithole, Pennsylvania, the finder turns, looks back.
E.g., Her father braiding her hair into tight knots; her father’s hand on her back, gently guiding her as she peddles the bicycle. Then, the absence of his hand; her father beside her on the couch, a beer in his hand and baseball on the television; her father smiling, even after the diagnosis; how she thought she saw the subtle movements of her father’s chest as he lay in the casket; how she thought she felt his breath when she leaned up to kiss the not-father’s cheek.
I feel lucky to have grown up in the 90s and early 00s, when the idea of the global internet and the world wide web really started taking off. In some ways it’s unfortunate that Gen-Z and onward won’t have the opportunity to experience that early, often lawless-feeling internet. It was exciting. Dangerous. One of the websites I’d spend hours on was Snopes.com, which began as an online encyclopedia of urban legends and folklore before it became the more generalized fact-checking website it is today. I’d scare myself shitless at the family computer, reading about the babysitter and the man upstairs (coincidentally, the murders that inspired this legend took place only a mile and a half away from where I now sit), street gang initiation rites, and purulent Burger King sandwiches. In hindsight, many of these urban legends were based in irrational, often offensive fears—fear of the AIDs epidemic, fear of the other—but the idea of the urban legend became yet another form of storytelling that imprinted on my brain.
Also in hindsight, those early days of Snopes were especially interesting because they captured a transitory period in which folklore, generally transmitted orally, could be archived and disseminated to anyone with a computer and access to the internet, and Snopes. I haven’t read much scholarship on it, but I’d guess that this intersection of oral folk tradition and the wide web was the fertile ground in which the idea of “creepypasta” grew.
Creepypasta, a portmanteau of the word “creepy” and “copypasta,” felt like the natural evolution of the urban legend, and I was just as enthralled by this new form of folkloric storytelling. “Eleven Rules…” is really a love letter to some of those early creepypasta stories—“Ted the Caver,” “The Elevator Game,” and especially “Holders.” Like any genre, creepypasta comes in a variety of subgenres, and, like “Holders”, “Eleven Rules…” takes the ritual/rite form. On the surface level, the list of rules is for you, the reader, but a list of rules does not a story make, so, ever-meta, I tell a second story, Kimberly’s story, through examples of the rules. Kimberly’s story is rooted in realism—the loss of her father being a very real, concrete grief for her. In my head, this is (or was at the time) my style: quiet literary fabulism.
In the end, this story was a perfect storm of my interests, both long lasting as well as at the time of writing: folklore, creepypasta, found-footage horror, ghost towns, ghost stories, and, yet again, the interesting ways narrative can take form. It was also my first solicited story. After reading “Old Wives Tales,” in Whiskey Island, Sequestrum managing editor, R.M. Cooper, contacted me through my (no longer existent) author website, asking me to send him something. So I sent this and a few other flash pieces and this was what he liked. I’m proud to have it up on Sequestrum, and it’s still available in their archives, but anyone familiar with the journal will know that it’s subscription based. I’m happy to give it a second life here, available to anyone free of charge.
Some quick, behind-the-scenes notes:
Pithole, Pennsylvania is a real ghost town. The named streets and businesses are historically accurate. The town was founded and then unincorporated within the span of 12 years. It was an oil-boom town. The photograph that shares with this post is of Pithole.
I have a fantasy where I buy an entire ghost town, make it an artist’s retreat. Imagine spending your day writing in the bones of a brothel, your nights telling ghost stories around the fire. We could imagine the lives of those who lived there so long ago. It would be rad as hell.
I fear—and maybe will rant about this in a future Dad Bod Writes post—that creepypasta as a genre has become too saturated. Maybe I should have seen this coming—the memification is in the name. Of course, anyone can and should write whatever they want, but in the age of the internet, there’s very little mystery left in the world, and the ideas of legends are so easily debunked that I find most contemporary creepypasta to be poorly written horror fiction. Which is fine! But it’s not the same for me.
Formatting this story proved really annoying on Substack, which seemingly doesn’t allow formatted indents, or forcing bulleted points to their next subpoint. Because of that, there are two examples that are subpoints when they should be subsubpoints. Does this make sense? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
And, finally, some general updates—
You might recall that in my last post, hex was just opening to submissions. We filled our cap of 200 the day that post went live. It’s crazy to me that people care that much about our little journal. It’s a great feeling, and an even greater feeling is getting to read all of your work. We’ll be opening up again in January, I believe, but we’ve been known to do an occasional folio pop-up call, so maybe keep your eyes peeled if you’re interested!
Last weekend I had the immense pleasure of hosting a launch party reading for Evan Williams’ fantastic new chapbook, “An Extremely Well-Funded Study of Doors” (above/ground press). Evan, and their partner Ruby Rorty, came down from Chicago, and I tapped into local writers and friends, Hayli May Cox and Nick Francis Potter to also read. Every reader killed it, and it was a really beautiful evening. You can watch a recording of the live stream here, though I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to get the video onto YouTube in the near future. My endless gratitude to all of the writers and also to dear friends, Johnathon and Kelli McDowell, owners of One to One Printshop. They are champions of the arts, and are CONSTANTLY offering their own time and labor for the local art scenes. Go buy a shirt (or order a bunch of shirts) and support an independent, mom & pop owned printshop!
I was also thrilled to tune in to Benjamin Niespodziany’s first (but hopefully not last) virtual reading marathon which featured 31 readers in a nearly 3-hour video compilation. It’s incredible. It’s funny and strange and every author’s reading felt unique and special. There’s a ton of great friends reading—Joe Aguilar, william erickson, and Jose Hernandez Diaz, to name just a few. If you are a fan of short fiction and poetry (and especially weird strange fiction and poetry) you’ll want to check this out! At 2:10:09 you can even watch a video of yours truly reading “Old Wives Tales.”
Next week’s post will be a bit different. I’ve recently subscribed to The Criterion Channel and have been watching movies that I want to talk about, so I’m going to talk about them. Worry not, though, there will be more old stories coming.
As always, thanks to you for sticking around. I’ll see you in the next one.
-Dan